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While doing backups I found this bit of silly hack that I had started writing in 2003 as a gift for a friend during a period when I was writing regularly. It was intended to be the introduction to a series with autobiographical overtones: the adventures of the ogre and valkyrie, best buddies for ever.
The ogre and the valkyrie:
Once upon a time, in a world that is conceivably both far, far, away and yet touches ours, there lived a not-so-brutish ogre and a less-than-heroic valkyrie. Many others lived in this world too, and they do figure greatly into this tale, but as net forces rather than discrete individuals*. For the moment the only individuals of concern are our ogre and valkyrie.
Ogres, in general, live a mean and solitary existence, and ours was not much of an exception, although he would it were not so. Aspiring to academia, or perhaps a life of creation and thought, our ogre was burdened with the fact of daily existence. Most ogres do not find this a problem, as daily living is merely an exercise of bashing their way through the world, eating whatever morsels happened to cross their paths (frequently said editable bits are in the course of fleeing the aforementioned bashings), and dreaming about hot ogre-babes. To our ogre this was a bit of a chore, as effective bashing required one to set aside ones creative impulses, and had to be done by the rest of the world's schedule.** When any one, ogre or no, is brilliant enough to get truly lost in their own ideas, it is understandable that they are frustrated that such brilliance is undervalued by the world at large. Our ogre had to do at least some bashing to survive, but so poor at it was he, that he had very time to spend with his intellectual peers, those who could help fulfill his creative and philosophic needs. Thus, despite his soul's wishes, our ogre was trapped in ogredom.
Our valkyrie, on the other hand, could manage where it came to the smiting necessary in daily life. She did not manage it with any flair, but managed to get it done. Alas, although the smiting was necessary for survival, she did not derive much pleasure from it. She dreamt of the heroic life she felt she should have as a valkyrie, but suspected a lack of true talent prevented her from ever being able to achieve it. There were other issues with her valkyric style: rather than finding the physically valorous heroes of life, she unerringly found the heroes of soul, whether it be spirit or intellect (most often both) to earmark. This is not a skill that is likely to earn a valkyrie a promotion, however it is how she noticed the ogre.
* Imagine what would happen to our world if say, the asteroid belt and some of the smaller planets disappeared. Bad gravitational juju. Life as we know it would be fucked. Even though we have no specific interaction with any one asteroid and consider Neptune the odd neighbor that we never invite to block parties.
** An ogre has to bash while there are people around to be bashed, people who will properly react to bashings. For example, bashing a shepherd and his flock, or perhaps a random woodcutter, in the morning is fine, but after about 5pm they have gone home to their well protected domiciles and there is no one to bash. Weekends and federal holidays are also right out of the question. There are also occasional seasonal deadlines to be met, as herds moved to other pasturelands, or woodcutters turned into charcoal burners for a bit.*** Fortunate ogres succeeded without such scheduling if they post themselves along a route with lots of wandering actors, knights on quests, and absentminded missionaries. Our ogre had such a territory once, although it still required far too much work for the thinking he wanted to accomplish, it was far more nourishing (intellectually and physically) than where he is at the start of our story.
*** If you were thinking that this might be an extended metaphor for bureaucratic paperwork, you would be right, I just got a bit carried away.
The current ending (as could be written quasi-autobiographically) has the ogre having run off with some sylph, deeply hurting the valkyrie in the process, and they haven't talked since. While the valkyrie is finding fulfillment having her own adventures (some hard and painful, some wonderous), the ogre has become trapped in the lifestyle he hated so he can support his wife and child. There is even a second "save the marriage" child on the way (everyone knows this never works, dude, what were they thinking?).
The valkyrie's lot is great, but I lament that the ogre doesn't seem to be figuring out the happily ever after bit. Or even happily most of the time with reasonable expectations of rough spots. <sigh>
The ogre and the valkyrie:
Once upon a time, in a world that is conceivably both far, far, away and yet touches ours, there lived a not-so-brutish ogre and a less-than-heroic valkyrie. Many others lived in this world too, and they do figure greatly into this tale, but as net forces rather than discrete individuals*. For the moment the only individuals of concern are our ogre and valkyrie.
Ogres, in general, live a mean and solitary existence, and ours was not much of an exception, although he would it were not so. Aspiring to academia, or perhaps a life of creation and thought, our ogre was burdened with the fact of daily existence. Most ogres do not find this a problem, as daily living is merely an exercise of bashing their way through the world, eating whatever morsels happened to cross their paths (frequently said editable bits are in the course of fleeing the aforementioned bashings), and dreaming about hot ogre-babes. To our ogre this was a bit of a chore, as effective bashing required one to set aside ones creative impulses, and had to be done by the rest of the world's schedule.** When any one, ogre or no, is brilliant enough to get truly lost in their own ideas, it is understandable that they are frustrated that such brilliance is undervalued by the world at large. Our ogre had to do at least some bashing to survive, but so poor at it was he, that he had very time to spend with his intellectual peers, those who could help fulfill his creative and philosophic needs. Thus, despite his soul's wishes, our ogre was trapped in ogredom.
Our valkyrie, on the other hand, could manage where it came to the smiting necessary in daily life. She did not manage it with any flair, but managed to get it done. Alas, although the smiting was necessary for survival, she did not derive much pleasure from it. She dreamt of the heroic life she felt she should have as a valkyrie, but suspected a lack of true talent prevented her from ever being able to achieve it. There were other issues with her valkyric style: rather than finding the physically valorous heroes of life, she unerringly found the heroes of soul, whether it be spirit or intellect (most often both) to earmark. This is not a skill that is likely to earn a valkyrie a promotion, however it is how she noticed the ogre.
* Imagine what would happen to our world if say, the asteroid belt and some of the smaller planets disappeared. Bad gravitational juju. Life as we know it would be fucked. Even though we have no specific interaction with any one asteroid and consider Neptune the odd neighbor that we never invite to block parties.
** An ogre has to bash while there are people around to be bashed, people who will properly react to bashings. For example, bashing a shepherd and his flock, or perhaps a random woodcutter, in the morning is fine, but after about 5pm they have gone home to their well protected domiciles and there is no one to bash. Weekends and federal holidays are also right out of the question. There are also occasional seasonal deadlines to be met, as herds moved to other pasturelands, or woodcutters turned into charcoal burners for a bit.*** Fortunate ogres succeeded without such scheduling if they post themselves along a route with lots of wandering actors, knights on quests, and absentminded missionaries. Our ogre had such a territory once, although it still required far too much work for the thinking he wanted to accomplish, it was far more nourishing (intellectually and physically) than where he is at the start of our story.
*** If you were thinking that this might be an extended metaphor for bureaucratic paperwork, you would be right, I just got a bit carried away.
The current ending (as could be written quasi-autobiographically) has the ogre having run off with some sylph, deeply hurting the valkyrie in the process, and they haven't talked since. While the valkyrie is finding fulfillment having her own adventures (some hard and painful, some wonderous), the ogre has become trapped in the lifestyle he hated so he can support his wife and child. There is even a second "save the marriage" child on the way (everyone knows this never works, dude, what were they thinking?).
The valkyrie's lot is great, but I lament that the ogre doesn't seem to be figuring out the happily ever after bit. Or even happily most of the time with reasonable expectations of rough spots. <sigh>
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