Fewer folks having kids in the down economy? Not in my world.

[estro]

My friend-list is slowly drifting toward all-baby, all the time. Which is really exciting and joyful and makes me happy to read, though at the same time makes me feel like a bit of a fuckwit for not having managed a lifestyle which can handle being a single mom.

I have always known I wanted to be a parent, and have also been well aware of the high likelihood of having to do it on my own. So how did I manage to get to 33 and and not still not have gotten my shit together enough to do be able to something that is so important to me? <sigh>

More cheerfully, all of you family making folk are being unwitting resources as I point other expectant dear ones at some of your posts. :}

Comments

[ariyanakylstram.livejournal.com]

I'll say to you something I've said to a couple of people:

When you want it (for many values of it) *enough*, you will start making the decisions to make it happen.

For myself, I've finally decided that I really *do* want a house, and I'm making very deliberate decisions to bring me closer to that. I've talked about it for years in really general terms, and finally I got fed up with myself and started making changes to make it a reality (not now, but probably in the next year or two).

All I suggest is that you meditate a bit on how much you really want this, and whether you're willing to make the changes (and likely sacrifices) that this will require. Then, if the answer is yes, I do want, let that goal lead your decision making. There will likely be parts that suck, but if the goal is worthy, then the suck will be worth it.

[blue-estro.livejournal.com]

I understand that, which means that every step of the way the immediate happiness had a better cost/return value than a distant potential to have a child.

Making oneself insane for the potential of motherhood would be really, really, fucked up.

[ariyanakylstram.livejournal.com]

I wholeheartedly agree, but I'm not the sort who wants to have a kid.

On the house front, since I can speak from that angle, I can tell you that my spending habits have changed and my opinions about taking financial risks have modified. I'm not *NOT* having fun in the present, but I am definitely thinking longer and harder about decisions that might put me further away from home ownership.

[blue-estro.livejournal.com]

My spending habits aren't as much of a problem as my income habits. I stopped being willing to wreck myself for a job, and it seems that until one has done one's time in a field, wrecking oneself is a requirement.

[kest]

well, how do you see life when you have a kid? this has always been the issue for me....do you stick them in daycare? do you coparent with one or more other people and some people go to work and support the people who stay home? do you try to find a job that lets you bring a kid to work with you? (potentially even more challenging than the dog-friendly kind)

[blue-estro.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this is why I said "lifestyle" rather than "job".

The ways I have seen other single parents manage are extended family helping with the care, job-sharing, co-op, or government subsidy.

The first and last aren't actually options for me, and I am not really in a place for the middle options.

This doesn't mean it is impossible, just really improbable.

[kest]

yeah, well, I did put the comment specifically as a reply to the 'income' comment. :)

I've always said I wanted a village to raise my child. It's proven to be somewhat difficult to really get the pieces in place for that, but maybe I haven't actually been specifically trying so much as hoping things would just happen.

not in my demographic

[akaba.livejournal.com]

I'm in the reverse position -- somehow I got to 33 without a single friend of mine having kids. I know two couples with babies -- one in Mass and one in SoCal. Makes being pregnant even weirder since everything is a mystery to me.

That said, I do know two more (non-local) couples who are on their way to having kids, so maybe it's just the year for pregnancy.

Re: not in my demographic

[blue-estro.livejournal.com]

Heh, yeah, it seems to be the year for pregnancy in my circle.

Steve Mooney (my year at CPS) and his wife are expecting. I pointed her at your last post. She bookmarked it and really appreciated it. Thanks!

[missionista.livejournal.com]

makes me feel like a bit of a fuckwit for not having managed a lifestyle which can handle being a single mom.

This sounds like you're being really hard on yourself. You're only 33. There's loads of time yet to manage that lifestyle.

[blue-estro.livejournal.com]

A little bit, but having done a lot of thinking about this in the last year, isn't actually the case. Baking my own becomes rapidly more difficult in about 3 years, and not baking my own is much more expensive.

[marialuminous.livejournal.com]

Our mutual friend Nabil recommended that I introduce myself to you, since just last night I was commenting to him that I wanted to be doing more to prepare myself for having a family, which I'd like to do someday. I am sometimes frustrated that I'm not further along on this, and I worry that I'll have to do it on my own, too. (Although, at 27, I have a few more years still before I have to really get down to business.)

So, hi! You're not the only one who's been thinking about this a lot lately! If you read some of my recent LJ posts, you'll see I was just in Arizona, helping my brother and his wife with their first baby, and it has just fueled my desire to work towards making this happen, some way or another.